Back-Up

Disclaimer: I'm posting over on iWeb again. You can read this same post there and hear the song "Little Pilgrim" by Chuck Girard. Click here.

The pop-up window flashes out it’s warning.
It has been fifteen days since you backed up Julee Ann’s MacBook Pro!
The button choices are simple:
Back-up now.
Ask me again later.

The small still voice is not as blatant.
Do you love me?
Julee, do you love me?
Then feed my sheep. Take care of my lambs.

Since I call myself a follower of Christ then I’m one of which he speaks. I need to feed myself on the Word and tend to my spiritual life. Sheep are stupid animals. I’m a sheep. I need to return to the fold.

I’ve been fooling myself. Whenever anyone asks, (and it seems everyone I met this weekend did) What church do you go to? I hem-haw. Usually I tag team Mars Hill in there somewhere, because we do actually go there once in a blue moon. Do you know how often a blue moon occurs? I'll tell you; about once every 2 & 1/2 years.
Then I tell people that press me, “I didn’t really give up on God, just church." More lies.

Saturday night, a few short hours after the conference, I was sitting in my den waiting for the 5:30 Willow Creek Anniversary Celebration to appear live on the big Mac. The sun was setting and my dirty windows did nothing to diffuse the glory and splendor at dusk, that rare warm October day.
My feelings were palpable and I held it together until Chuck Girard broke into “Little Pilgrim"
Here's where you might want to click over to iWeb

Little Pilgrim
walking down the road of life
I find that in your heart
You’re just a lonely one
For you see, upon that very road
My search for good and truth had it’s beginning
You take a little turn to the left
You see what that path has to offer you
Then ya gotta make it back to the main road
Anyhow
Then you have all that time to make up for
And it’s a sad thing to realize you’re all alone
That you’re on your own.
Again
Little Pilgrim
Walking down the road of life
You try to follow others who are just like you
I was looking in that same direction
But all I ever found were others who were searching
Just like me
And we didn’t find the way
Or the answers
To the questions that were buried deep down in our souls
All we found was the way of man had no answers
Anyhow.
Oh don’t you wonder now?
What your trying to prove?
Oh don’t you wonder now?
Where that path has taken you?
I know that deep down in your heart
You are just like me
What you’re seeking?
Is a better way?
And you’re reaching out for temporary resting places
And you’re glad to find
A little peace of mind
Here and there
But it won’t last long
‘Cause you’ll have to move along
Until someday when you’re resting in the arms
Of the only one who can help you.
‘Till you give your heart
and your soul
and your body
and your mind
and your life
To the Lord
It’s a glad thing to realize
That you’re not alone
Anymore
That you’ve found your way
Back Home

Truth is I have settled for the spiritual status quo, and have come to realize there is no such thing.
So my journey takes a turn. Again.
The writer’s conference was going to be a learning curve for me. Learn how to write better.
What God spelled into my hand like Helen Keller (metaphor by Angela Blyker) had nothing and everything to do with becoming a better writer. What I actually carried away from the conferences was this: I’m at the end of my "Julee Ann" rope. “I” is not cutting it for me anymore.
I made the right choices. I raised good kids. I don’t live above my means. I deserve it. I don’t need community, church, or spiritual accountability

Wrong.
He must increase and I must decrease. My writing is a metaphor for my faith (once again, thanks Angela), and honestly they both stink at this point in my life.
There is labor involved, I must keep working at it everyday, every hour. There is no easy way to get published, and there is no easy faith. I should be devouring scripture like a wanna-be author bookmarks and highlights the writer’s market guide.

Click here to read an excerpt from the gospel of John. I simply must reiterate the last verse.

Jesus did many other things as well.
If every one of them were written down,
I suppose that even the whole world
would not have room for the books that would be written.

I have two choices:
Do I want to go back and rekindle my first love?
Or do I want Him to ask me again later, Do you love me?