Sometimws When I Hear That Song ...

---->Getcha a guitar, learn how to play
Cut up some jeans come up with a name ...

It’s live blogging from the CMA’s
I've forgiven Brad Paisly for flagging my (his) music on youtube … and who doesn’t fricken LOVE Keith Urban?  So when the two of them opened the show, needless to say I went straight to my happy place. 
That’s right boys walk around and play them gi-tars. Hmmmm mmmm good—talent.

Grow out your hair ...
Start a band.

---->  Love, love, love Carrie Underwood's blue dress and she's not doin' a half bad job co-hosting.  We'll see.

---->Favorite Aussie ... sorry Nicole, the award goes to Hugh Jackman.  Going to "Australia" opening December 13.  For sure.

Single of the year ... George Strait beats Kenny Chesney ... there is a God in heaven.  My Tivo is blacking out-- C'MON what did I ever do to you?

---->Brad, don't say BFF on national TV, just don't.  Kelly Pickler--not a good enough voice and leaning towards dominatrix.  Also, flat, really flat. She sings flat.  Glitter microphone does nothing to help her out, either.  Fast forward.

----> Alan Jackson, yes I'm havin' a good time not punchin' a clock.  You and your band are truly authentic country and my heel-toes are a tappin' and I'm googling line dancing in Muskegon as we speak.  The locals in the aisle (all different shapes and sizes) are brilliant TV producing.  G with an O, O with a D,  T with an I, M with an E spells Good Time, and I just had one.  Rewind.

----> Billy & Miley Cyrus introduce---I'm getting sleepy---Song of the---sleepier---Year Zzzzzzzz. 

Songwriter of the year --- Stay by Jennifer Nettles. Classy, country inspired, white dress and the song wasn't bad either.  Are you a newbie?  Gonna have to download some of your stuff.

----> Carrie!  You're doin' ok, keep up the good work.   Another great dress, but blue again? 

----> Miranda Lambert.  Sweetie.  When asked to perform on the CMA's you should always go with bad ass.

----> Lady Antebellum. Hopeful for a new group. Wishin' for more (than 4 notes.)  Kinda bored, need another Mike's H.L.

----> Martina McBride. Nope

---->I'm not skipping any awards ... we're an hour into the show and they've given out two. 

---->Rodney Atkins. The scenes behind you--chevy truck, farmer cuttin' hay, flags welcoming home vets, lemonade sellers--and your hat told the story. It's Amurica!  God bless it.

----> Heidi Newfield? and John Rich  Wait here comes another award. (I had nothing to say about them except one wore a pink shirt and the other a red dress)  Vocal Group of the Year--and no Brooks & Dunn--thank you Jesus--wait I admit it---I love lots of Rascal Flatts' songs, I just can't stand to watch you--you and your crew cuts, dressed in all black and a white tie (when did that go out--about the same time it came in) tapestry jackets/shirts-- yeah--I'm talkin' to you and your non-wearing cowboy hat heads.  FF, again.

----> Taylor Swift. Ok, cool set and costumes, I'll give you a chance!  Even cooler dress. Very pretty. Oh that was way brilliant--a bunch of smoke and an outfit change.  AND another awesome dress, at that. But is it just me or do songs not have melodies anymore?  I don't see what all the fuss is about with you, dear. I wanted this to be the showstopper. I did! But it needed a voice..

----> Carrie you're doing better than Brad.  The pink dress is absofrickenlutely stunning.

----> Kid Rock.  Just as with the Rascals, I'd much rather rock out to your song than watch you sing it. Gotta love the Lions gear, though.    Show the back-up singers more, please.  Ha ha "Joe the strummer, and Joe the drummer.  Sippin' whiskey out the bottle. Summer time in Northern Michigan. We didn't have no internet. It's the simple things in life, like when and where.  I'm sorry but those are some of the best lyrics in any country song, ever. OK, I liked it more than I thought. A lot more.  Rewind.

----> George Strait.  Please, please, please, PLEASE keep rollin' on the river of love.  Have your back-up singers stand in a straight line and play the steel guitar, violin, hammond organ, and ukelele. Please have them wear funky orthodox Jewish type hats,  simple black dresses and khaki blazers. Have some of them with a full head of gray hair, mutton chops and little pot bellies. And for the love of all that's holy, please just keep wearing your stetson and singing the livin' b'jesus out of every song you sing.  Thank you.

----> Jason Aldean.  Mother trucker! Thank you producers--for having Jason follow up George. Gimme' those yellow pages--there's surely some hole-in-the-wall, smokey bar somewhere close-by where I can get my country on.

----> Whadda ya know another award.  The Horizon Award.  Lady Antebellum. Awwwww, they thanked their moms--guess I'll have to give them another chance.

Wow, I'm only half-way through and they keep talking about a surprise guest, and wouldn't you know it I have a special guest, too.  I guess you'll have to wait until I'm done here.  

---->    _ _ _    _ _    _    _ _ _ _ _!

10 points if you can figure out what I'm watching right now.  I'll give you a hint ... I'm crying.

Oh well, back on the horse.

---->   I got too excited earlier during Vocal Group, it's Vocal Duo that the has-beens get nominated for year after year, after year, after year. After year. When are they gonna be outta here?

----> Album of the Year ... holding my breath ... just like LeAnne Womack was in that piece of tin foil she had wrapped around her ...  Kenny Chesney is getting shut out and Carrie Underwood is battin' a 1000 with her wardrobe.  George Strait's Troubador wins. As it should be.

I'm gonna have to skip some stuff or I'll be up all night.  Wonder who the surprise guest is. Maybe Wynonna (new album in February) ... or better yet ... The Judds ... wouldn't that put the final nail in Brooks and Dunn's you-need-to-sail-into-the-sunset-coffin!  I can only hope.

----> Keith Urban  Need I go on and on here? Cuz I will.

---->  Widow of a fallen soldier, with their wedding pictures behind her.  Music has the power to help us heal, and I thank God for that power.  Her words. Simply moving and now I'm crying. Seriously.  By the way, the most emotional I've ever heard Carrie Underwood sing. Beautiful.  This was the showstopper. 

----> For the 2nd year in a row my Vince Gill annouces, rather than sings.  Bad form, producers, bad form.

----> I don't usually dwell on the outward, but damn Carrie, your stylist deserves a raise, and no skanky in sight.

----> Daggumit, I love Kenny Chesney's set, song, and band!  And did he go to Africa for those slides and that drummer!  'Member when I said Carrie's song was the showstopper? Premature. Who is singing with him?  Whoever it is makes me want to go to heaven--AND--Cuba. Good grief that was awesome and made Brooks, Dunn, & Reba look like a William Hung act.  I'm sorry for every bad thing I've ever said about you.   Here's my message to you ... sing with "The Whalers" from here on out.

----> Brad Paisley, Male Vocalist of the Year.  So now that you have that, would it bother you so much if I have you singing "Find Yourself" in the background on the California video. I say, spread the wealth and fine music around.  Mmmm k, thanks.

----> The Eagles in matching suits and ties. They better not be the surprise guest, cuz I swear they were announced and then that wouldn't be a surprise now, would it?

----> Almost done.  Carrie's announcing the surprise guest who will present Entertainer Of The Year.  Wow, they really built this up, it's gonna have to be---what the bloody---WHAT IN THE BLOODY HECK IS GOING ON---what the---what the---

Not nice. Not nice at all.

Shania Twain decided to grace our shores and spill out all over an otherwise awesome 42nd Annual Country Music Awards.

 

Just for that I'm preordering Wynonna's new album coming out in Feb ... did I already say that? And here's my very own special guest:

...I Always Start To Sing Along.